I
There is a cryptic Gemara Bechoros (8B) that relates that Athenians brought two eggs to Rav Yehoshua and said to him: "Tell us which of the two is the egg of a black hen and which is of a white hen." In response, he brought them two cheeses, and asked them: "Which is of the milk of a black goat and which is of a white goat?" The Maharal understands this challenging piece of Aggadah that the non-Jewish philosophers were asserting that the egg is the "child" of the chicken and should inherit some of its mother's traits. Thus they were claiming that progeny do not always resemble their ancestors, and therefore the Jews, despite their descent from wise and virtuous patriarchs, are no better that anyone else.
Rav Yehoshua countered that eggs are more like milk or cheese rather than the living tissue of birds and animals. Eggs and cheese are secretions rather than offspring and therefore, need not resemble their "parent". Rav Yehoshua maintained his stance that Jews come from special stock.
The Maharsha in his Chidushei Aggados to this Gemara explains that each hen symbolizes 21 days in the year, as the Gemara above (8A) taught that a chicken embryo gestates for 21 days. The black hen is the sad period of mourning from the 17th of Tammuz to the 9th of Av, and the white hen is symbolic of Rosh Hashanah through Hoshanah Rabbah, a joyful time of atonement. The hens bear eggs namely, events that transpire during each of these periods. The Athenians were charging - it's all the same- the eggs are alike, there is no difference between periods of joy and that of tragedy, one day follows another with no relief in sight to your exile and plight.
Rav Yehoshua countered by bringing 2 cheeses, each from the milk of a different goat. The goats represent the 2 goats of the Yom Kippur service. The white is the goat sacrificed to Hashem, and the black is one sent to Azazel (scapegoat). Despite their outer appearances and ultimate divergent destinations, both goats produce white cheese, they both atone for the sins of the Jewish nation. Both hens as well lay identical eggs, not dark eggs of pain and sorrow, but white eggs of forgiveness and hope. As the 21 days of Tishrei bring atonement and closeness to Hashem, so do the 21 days of Bein HaMetzarim bring atonement and closeness to Hashem.
Parshas Devorim is always read on the Shabbos prior to Tisha B'Av. It thus behooves us to reflect upon the following. At first glance there is a strong similarity between these apparently different three weeks, namely both call upon the Jew to shed his artificial insulation and focus on the stark reality at hand. It is too easy to become distracted from G-d - Israel - Torah - community - chessed and to get immersed in daily needs and survival. Therefore, these 2 periods of three weeks serve as a rude awakening to help the Jewish people focus and prioritize.
II
As we approach Tisha B'Av the restrictions against eating meat, swimming, and buying new clothes are to strip us of some of the distractions that prevent our feeling the plight of others and indeed ourselves. It is interesting to note the formula that Ashkenazic Jewry uses to comfort a mourner. The Sephardic community says it like it is: "Terachu min ha Shamayim"- Hashem should console you. The Ashkenazic version adds; "Besoch she'ar avlei Tzion v' Yerushalayim". Why do we integrate aveilus yeshana- an old state of mourning that we have been observing for almost two thousand years with aveilus chadasha, the immediate current loss of a family member.
One possibility is to include the individual mourner with the community and nation of Israel, as we are all mourners. As we find in Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah (335:6): The primary fulfillment of Bikur Cholim, visiting and attending to the sick is to pray for the invalid. The Mechaber teaches that the appropriate is to include the individual besoch cholei Yisrael, among the other sick of Israel. The Shach explains that by including him among the rest of the nation that need a refuah, his prayer is upgraded. Similarly, we include the mourner in his personal state of mourning together with the rest of Israel who are mourning for the Temple and Jerusalem, and thus zechus harabbim, the merit of the masses should assist him.
Additionally, noted the Rav zt"l, we know that Hashem will comfort the mourners of Zion. Our holy literature and the haftoros of Zayin D'Nechemta (7 Shabbosim that follow Tisha B'Av until Rosh Hashanah) are replete with this theme. Nowhere are we assured of His comforting the individual mourner. We therefore include the individual and pray for the coattail effect.
A second explanation for our connecting the personal loss with the national mourning may be gleaned from the Medrash (P'Sicha Eicha Rabbah 25) which relates that Rabban Gamliel had a neighbor who tragically lost a young child. Each night the mother would cry and the cries awoke the great Torah sage who in turn mourned for the Beis HaMikdash. The story continues that to preserve the health of the Rav, she moved. The question emerges: Why did he cry for the Churban, not for her? The answer is that all tragedies that we experience emanate from Churban HaBayis. The destruction of the Temple brought about Hester Panim- a diminution of His Presence, Glory and Providence. Her tragedy and countless others are a manifestation of the Churban HaBayis. It is thus understandable that we link the person's individual loss with that of the nation.
A third explanation may be based on Koheles (7:2): "It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting (for that is the end of man) and the living should take it to heart." At first glance the last charge of the verse is to learn the lessons of life, as they are taught in a house of mourning- to prioritize one's goals and aspirations. The Medrash Koheles Rabbah (7:9) understands it in the following way: Do a kindness so that one will be done to you. Specifically noted: attend a funeral so that people should attend your funeral, mourn for others so that others should mourn for you, act benevolently so that benevolence should be done to you. I'd humbly add recognize and identify with the personal loss of the next one, so that you should realize that you too are a mourner. We are so comfortable in the exile, we do not even realize that this is not the norm for the Jewish nation. We fail too often to learn from the nichum aveilus experience. Thus, while we believed we came to give comfort and consolation to the next one sitting on a low chair, in reality we have come to enhance ourselves, by noting and confronting our national mourning. The moment we internalize "besoch shear avlei Zion v'Yerushalayim " our life assumes a different focus. Our tefillos are different. We then focus on shechinta b'galusa- how G-d's presence is hidden from mankind, a whole different perspective on life, where is home to the Jew, and other basic issues that our hectic schedules preclude us from addressing. Just as one's visit to the Beis HaMikdash was lir'os u lay'ra'os- to see and be seen (Chagigah 2A), similarly, our extending consolation to an aveilus chadasha awakens within us our aveilus yeshana.
III
Upon reflection there are some very stark contrasts between the personal and communal or national mourning. Regarding the former there are restrictions; one may not over-mourn. The period of shiva is over on the morning of the 7th day, and for one to extend their observance of shiva till sunset would be a violation of Jewish Law. Just so mush was granted to aveilus chadasha. Moreover, if one ceases his personal mourning on the eve of a holiday, he goes immediately from shiva to the sukkah, zman simchaseinu, to the Seder and celebrates. We reason and explain how he is to curtail and immediately redirect his emotions. Incredible resiliency is expected and demanded of him. In sharp contrast there is no limit to the mourning for the Beis HaMikdash. The Jewish people are not told to be forgetful, move on, to accept our fate. In fact we insist that nothing less than Mashiach will ultimately solve our national problems and turmoil, and by maintaining this faith and realization comfort the mourner that his ultimate consolation is inextricably bound to that of his nation. "Besoch shear avlei Zion v'Yerushalayim " awakens not only within us our belief in the 12th and 13th Principles of Faith as articulated by the Rambam (coming of Mashiach and Resurrection of the Dead), but within the recipient of our consolation as well.
I pray we will all be busy with happy occasions, but when necessary may the above insights enhance our mitzvah of nichum avelim, and focus on our being avlei Zion v'Yerushalayim, preparing us for a more meaningful Ellul and 21 joyful days of atonement.